Not all Therapists are Good
Just like doctors, simply because someone has the “initials” after their name, doesn’t mean that they are competent. I hate the idea of a vulnerable person feeling desperate to feel better and he goes in to see a therapist for the first time in his life and walks out potentially feeling worse because the therapist did a lousy job. And it happens.
Many people assume that if the therapist is an “MD” or “Phd” or other type of clinician with official looking initials after their name, then they must be competent and capable of helping you. Not necessarily. You are the only expert on you. It is best to assume that only you can determine if the therapist is competent or a good fit to help you.
Choosing a Therapist
- The first therapist you see is not necessarily the best therapist for you. You can interview your therapist. Ask questions and be open to the possibility that the first therapist you see may not be the right fit.
- Listen to your gut. If you feel shamed or otherwise are triggered by what the therapist is saying and/or doing, tell them how you are feeling. A good therapist should be able to hear and validate how you are feeling even when it is in reference to them.
- A therapist’s job is not to tell you what to do! If the therapist is “telling you what you should do” or giving you advise that you did not seek, know that this is not therapy. A therapist’s job is to help you understand and have insight into your own thoughts and feelings so that you can determine the solutions or “what to do”.
- We don’t have the answers or solutions to your “problems”. We are your guide in helping you to realize your authority and recognize your competence to solve whatever “problem” or circumstance that is causing you distress.
- Your therapist should not be crying in your therapy session. If the therapist is expressing strong emotions and speaking in “absolutes” (i.e always, never or “should” or “should not”), consider this therapist may not be competent and/or the right fit for you. I recently was told by a young woman that she had gone to a therapist as a teenager and every time she started to cry, the therapist also started to cry. She found it “very annoying” and not helpful at all.
- Therapy is a process and takes time. You will feel bad sometimes in therapy as you are there to discuss difficult things from your past or present and the therapist cannot always help you to start to feel better immediately. If your gut tells you that the therapist is compassionate, sensitive and interested in hearing your experience and your story without judgement or criticism, then this therapist is possibly a good fit for you and worthy of continued consideration.